Remembering J
On Wednesday November 22nd, we let our beloved girl J go to heaven. She had been struggling with old age things for awhile this past year, but she always seemed to maintain her spry independent personality. I never thought of her spirit as old. Even as the vet told me about her terminal uterine cancer, she sat staring up at me bright eyed. I like to think of myself as someone who holds it together in a crisis, but as I broke down in the vet's office, I realized just how out of control I can feel. Those of you with children, I'm not sure how you do it, really.
J slowly lost the ability to pee. When she stopped peeing altogether, we new she wouldn't live long. Becky and I sat in our courtyard in tears watching J struggle to pee - it was heartbreaking. I reached out to those who knew J in Seattle - her former vet, acupuncturist, communicator, energy healer (come on people, you know how I am). They all called back immediately, even though it was the day before thanksgiving, lending their advice and support. For that I was so grateful. As people around us began to focus on the celebration to come, we were focused on J and the decision we knew was coming.
For us, making the decision to euthanize J was an awful burden. I felt very ashamed, very guilty. I felt so sick waiting in the room for J to come in. But getting to be there as she went to sleep actually was very comforting. I am so thankful for the vet who euthanized J. She was warm and comforting to J and to us. She even told J she loved her. We cried in the parking lot.
Becky had the wherewithall to ask to take J's body. She wanted to bury J up in the mountains where we had housesit in the summer. J loved it there, it was like a retirement home for her: big yard to walk around in, heat on her old bones, and lots of food to steal from the other dog and cat there. The owner's of the house offered to let us bury J on their property; they were going out of town and offered to let us stay there. All this kindness while we were grieving was so comforting at the time.
In the morning we drove out to the desert to bury J. (OK, yes, she stayed in the trunk overnight...but the weather by the ocean is quite cool overnight...hmm...) We got some shovels and pick axes and started digging J's grave. We laid her next to us while we worked. OK, moving that much dirt was actually a bit back breaking. But it was a relief to me to focus on a task and not my sadness. A few hours later, we put our girl in the ground. We buried her with some of her things, some flowers, etc. and had a ceremony. Where she lays she actually has a beautiful view of a canyon. It was so good to be with her, to see that the spirit we knew as J was gone and all that was left was just her body.
We went inside and threw together an impromptu thanksgiving dinner. Thanksgiving had such a different meaning this year. We were so grateful to have known J, to have spent years with her, to have loved her so much. We kept saying "she was such a good dog." We spent the weekend out in the desert, hiking and hanging out. It was a very healing weekend. We are so grateful to Rick and Susan Gordon for opening their home and yard to J and Becky and I.
As we told others about J, it was obvious how many others loved her too. Many people called or emailed to say that J had touched their lives and they were sad she was gone. So many people in our dog friendly apartment complex cried and hugged us, even though they barely knew us.
People shared some of their memories of J:
Susan Gordon said she was glad J got to come up for the week before thanksgiving dinner, and got caught putting her face in the trash can one last time. She loved her soft fur. Rick would call her "Lightning" b/c she was so pokey.
Andrea meyer said she always called J "miss clickety nails" b/c her nails were long and made a clicking noise on her hardwood floors.
Amy roberts loved the story about how becky would wash J's peepee with a baby wipe, and J loved it a little too much and would lick the air while she did it.
Val bush remembered how we took J everywhere with us in true lesbian fashion, and that J was a fixture on the theater scene. That's why she and retha wrote and performed "J has 2 mommies" at our 5 year anniversary party for a packed house of dogs.
Brent loved going camping with J and Becky.
Karen and Larry liked playing kickball with J in the park at the kickball party at camp long. J wore herself out at that party b/c she is a shepard and she kept trying to shepard and keep an eye on all the people. Exhausting work!
Julie Trout said J was the reason she and her family got a dog.
Daisy said she would light a candle for J.
Matt Bykowski loved J, and loved to play "glove of death" with her.
Becky and I loved her soft fur, her ears, her smile, how her tongue would hang out of her mouth when she slept. She was so independent, and respected her space. she loved us kind of from afar, only letting us sneak in and love her when she was sleepy...We were looking at photos and realized that J had a great last year. J got to go with us on a weekend adventure out to the HOH rainforest, Klaloch, and rialto beach. She LOVED roadtrips, having us all in one place, one car, getting to sleep and eat and just lay there.
She also LOVED the beach, loved being able to smell all those good smells, the wind, being in the sand. She also loved the roadtrip from seattle to san diego. One of my favorite memories was J at the Dunes in Oregon. She looked so young and happy, running up these massive sand dunes, digging, running around. she slept for the next 2 days, but for that hour at the dunes, she was a puppy again.
She loved Alpine where we lived over the summer. it was hot and dry, we liked to say that J had retired. She also liked living down at the beach - again with the sand and sun and smells. Ocean Beach has a lot of dogs, so there was no shortage of smells. But OB is a young dog's town, and she stuck close to home down here.
What can I say but we loved her, loved taking care of her, and we miss her. when you have a dog, you build your time around them. it's weird not to do that anymore. Becky got J at the pound in Minnesota when J was 6 months old. I met J when she was 8. She would have been 15 in February. We're so glad we had her for as long as we did. She lived a good full life. But we know she is happy in her spirit form, and hopefully we'll see her again.
J slowly lost the ability to pee. When she stopped peeing altogether, we new she wouldn't live long. Becky and I sat in our courtyard in tears watching J struggle to pee - it was heartbreaking. I reached out to those who knew J in Seattle - her former vet, acupuncturist, communicator, energy healer (come on people, you know how I am). They all called back immediately, even though it was the day before thanksgiving, lending their advice and support. For that I was so grateful. As people around us began to focus on the celebration to come, we were focused on J and the decision we knew was coming.
For us, making the decision to euthanize J was an awful burden. I felt very ashamed, very guilty. I felt so sick waiting in the room for J to come in. But getting to be there as she went to sleep actually was very comforting. I am so thankful for the vet who euthanized J. She was warm and comforting to J and to us. She even told J she loved her. We cried in the parking lot.
Becky had the wherewithall to ask to take J's body. She wanted to bury J up in the mountains where we had housesit in the summer. J loved it there, it was like a retirement home for her: big yard to walk around in, heat on her old bones, and lots of food to steal from the other dog and cat there. The owner's of the house offered to let us bury J on their property; they were going out of town and offered to let us stay there. All this kindness while we were grieving was so comforting at the time.
In the morning we drove out to the desert to bury J. (OK, yes, she stayed in the trunk overnight...but the weather by the ocean is quite cool overnight...hmm...) We got some shovels and pick axes and started digging J's grave. We laid her next to us while we worked. OK, moving that much dirt was actually a bit back breaking. But it was a relief to me to focus on a task and not my sadness. A few hours later, we put our girl in the ground. We buried her with some of her things, some flowers, etc. and had a ceremony. Where she lays she actually has a beautiful view of a canyon. It was so good to be with her, to see that the spirit we knew as J was gone and all that was left was just her body.
We went inside and threw together an impromptu thanksgiving dinner. Thanksgiving had such a different meaning this year. We were so grateful to have known J, to have spent years with her, to have loved her so much. We kept saying "she was such a good dog." We spent the weekend out in the desert, hiking and hanging out. It was a very healing weekend. We are so grateful to Rick and Susan Gordon for opening their home and yard to J and Becky and I.
As we told others about J, it was obvious how many others loved her too. Many people called or emailed to say that J had touched their lives and they were sad she was gone. So many people in our dog friendly apartment complex cried and hugged us, even though they barely knew us.
People shared some of their memories of J:
Susan Gordon said she was glad J got to come up for the week before thanksgiving dinner, and got caught putting her face in the trash can one last time. She loved her soft fur. Rick would call her "Lightning" b/c she was so pokey.
Andrea meyer said she always called J "miss clickety nails" b/c her nails were long and made a clicking noise on her hardwood floors.
Amy roberts loved the story about how becky would wash J's peepee with a baby wipe, and J loved it a little too much and would lick the air while she did it.
Val bush remembered how we took J everywhere with us in true lesbian fashion, and that J was a fixture on the theater scene. That's why she and retha wrote and performed "J has 2 mommies" at our 5 year anniversary party for a packed house of dogs.
Brent loved going camping with J and Becky.
Karen and Larry liked playing kickball with J in the park at the kickball party at camp long. J wore herself out at that party b/c she is a shepard and she kept trying to shepard and keep an eye on all the people. Exhausting work!
Julie Trout said J was the reason she and her family got a dog.
Daisy said she would light a candle for J.
Matt Bykowski loved J, and loved to play "glove of death" with her.
Becky and I loved her soft fur, her ears, her smile, how her tongue would hang out of her mouth when she slept. She was so independent, and respected her space. she loved us kind of from afar, only letting us sneak in and love her when she was sleepy...We were looking at photos and realized that J had a great last year. J got to go with us on a weekend adventure out to the HOH rainforest, Klaloch, and rialto beach. She LOVED roadtrips, having us all in one place, one car, getting to sleep and eat and just lay there.
She also LOVED the beach, loved being able to smell all those good smells, the wind, being in the sand. She also loved the roadtrip from seattle to san diego. One of my favorite memories was J at the Dunes in Oregon. She looked so young and happy, running up these massive sand dunes, digging, running around. she slept for the next 2 days, but for that hour at the dunes, she was a puppy again.
She loved Alpine where we lived over the summer. it was hot and dry, we liked to say that J had retired. She also liked living down at the beach - again with the sand and sun and smells. Ocean Beach has a lot of dogs, so there was no shortage of smells. But OB is a young dog's town, and she stuck close to home down here.
What can I say but we loved her, loved taking care of her, and we miss her. when you have a dog, you build your time around them. it's weird not to do that anymore. Becky got J at the pound in Minnesota when J was 6 months old. I met J when she was 8. She would have been 15 in February. We're so glad we had her for as long as we did. She lived a good full life. But we know she is happy in her spirit form, and hopefully we'll see her again.
posted by Becky and Kim @ 7:28 PM
2 Comments:
At 10:50 AM,
Anonymous said…
Bye J.
Thanks for posting that, I'll miss J lounging around the theater. (I miss you guys too, but I'm pretty sure you're coming back, so it's not the same.)
[sniffle]
At 3:00 PM,
Anonymous said…
mwah. I'm sorry girls, I didn't know J but I can tell how important she was.
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